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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 6, Episode 5
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the fifth episode of the sixth series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'FB' – Frankie Boyle *'RH' – Russell Howard *'EB' – Ed Byrne *'ZL' – Zoe Lyons Topics Bad Things To Say At a Job Interview FB: What can I bring to the job? A burning hatred of the West, a hook for a hand, and a pilot's licence. HD: The, er, five-year employment gap, yeah? I was canoeing? EB: Right, I hope that we can all be professional about the fact that I've just split up with all three of you... AP: I'm really only here because I'm hoping to slip on a wet floor and then fall off a ladder. FB: Yes, I've had a few changes of address: Wormwood Scrubs, Broadmoor, but for the last 3 months I've lived in your air conditioning. ZL: Erm, I'm really into diversity: in my last job I made sure we had a black a fruit and a fatty. HD: I have always wanted to work in a motel. (To side) I'M TELLING THEM, MOTHER, I'M TELLING THEM! FB: This job would be a great opportunity for me to steal a shitload of stationery. RH: HEEEEYYYYY!!!!! I remember you from the dungeon! It's me! Gimpy Terry! AP: I'm Gimpy Terry's mate. FB: Sum myself up in three words? Well, I suppose it would have to be Killer Alien Vagina. RH: What do you mean, I'm under-qualified to be a plumber? I'm 5 hours late, I've done a piss in your sink! EB: When can I start? Yesterday. But I can only work till today. FB: NINE TILL FIVE? NINE TO FIVE? MY MEDICATION WEARS OFF AT THREE! Things You Wouldn't Hear On Songs of Praise FB: HELLO CANTERBURY, LET'S MAKE SOME FUCKING NOISE! HD: Well, the locals here on the Shetland Isles have given us a tremendous welcome: today, we have our act of worship, and tomorrow, they're burning me in a wicker man. RH: (rapping) They call him G-O-D and he the big daddy, he look like me but he more beardy! ZL: (Irish accent) Hello, I'm Sister Margaret, and I'm an alcoholic! FB: The parishoners will now go forward to receive communion... if they can get past Atlas and Predator. RH: Christians in one corner, Muslims in the other... LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE! HD: Well, the goat is strapped to the altar, so let's begin! EB: That was beautiful. Such a shame there's no one actually up there to have heard it. FB: And we appear to have a streaker- No, one of the altar boys has escaped from the vestry. AP: If you're enjoying this, why not turn over to BBC Three, where you can enjoy Songs of Praise Uncut? HD: Well, now; "Choir of the Week". They're not the Von Trapp family, but they were the trapped family, it's the Fritzls from Austria! FB: The next reading is from St. Paul's first letter to Jim'll Fix It. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See